I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
pray to the hookup gods
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
