dude i'm inner monologue high
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
