That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
