You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
