the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
