I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
