its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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