two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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