I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
