my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
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