Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
