Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
