OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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