Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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