Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
