they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
