It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
