ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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