TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
