im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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