i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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