I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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