hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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