My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
