he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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