Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
