I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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