The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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