Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize