Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Randomize