Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
