Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
they're like a gay fantastic four
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize