So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
