made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
