You work out of a Hotel?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
