Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
