I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
When are your genitals available?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
