i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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