Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize