six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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