i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
