I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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