i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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