dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
