Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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