we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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