Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
