She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
