cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
