I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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