your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Damn victory sex feels great
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
