Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize