I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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