Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
