I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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