she was so not down for the gang bang
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I FOUND THE LEGS
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
