I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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