I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
