So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
