I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
