her facebook's as public as her vagina
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
