tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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