So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
