You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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