I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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