Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
