This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
stop calling my apartment porn island.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize