don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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