Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
