i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
