You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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