I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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