So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
