As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
