i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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