I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
