Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
