Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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