I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
