question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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