There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
