the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just pee around me
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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