I just pynch a tree in the face
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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