just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
