Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
After tacos, we're chasing women.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
